Monday Morning Meeting at a Recently Disenfranchised Taco Bell

First off- there’s no need to panic. Look, I know this sounds terrible but c’mon what did that franchise contract ever do for us? Those corporate fat-cats don’t know what it’s like down here in the trenches. Have they ever slung tacos at winos at a 2:00 AM drive-thru? Not likely. Have they ever had to answer to angry mobs demanding that we put the Encharito back on the menu? No way.

If anything our corporate association held us back. Now we don’t have to navigate the bureaucratic maze of red-tape when we want to serve our ever-popular “Not Rat Meat (Wink-Wink) Fajita Taco Grillers”. And we don’t have to answer to anyone for frying up that extremely fetid chicken coated with crushed-up bits of expired taco shells and calling it “Fresco Fish Taquitos”. By the way, mixing the rancid mayo with the leftover fire sauce and calling it “Spicy Tartar Sauce” was genius Andy. Also, a special thanks to Roy for sifting through the garbage, finding the discarded Fire-sauce packets and squeezing out the unused remains.

Speaking of garbage, I’m so proud of Delaney for thinking on her feet when we ran out of Mountain Dew Shock-and-Awe-Rage-Extreme-Power-Crush-Smash fruit drink. Garbage water was a fantastic substitute- there’s more nutritional value and it’s better for our bottom line.

Now I do need to mention one item that we aren’t going to continue. The “Mango Chutney Baja Burri-Tac-Enchi-Salad with Stray Dog Leavings” wasn’t the seller that I hoped it would be. I think the main problem is that it’s a bit too fancy for our demographic. Nobody really knows what chutney is and most of our customers probably felt like we were giving them the high-hat. We need to remember that we feed the barely-literate, oft-drunken, self-hating American People. Let’s respect that. Now get out there and cram more “Diseased Lab Monkey Chalupas” in those toothless mouths until they get lock-jaw!