List of Things Not Louder Than the Screeching Banshee-Wail of My Two-Year-Old Daughter

• Elephants stuffed with C-4 exploding in the middle of an acoustically-tuned amphitheater.
• Schnauzers with megaphones duct-taped to their mouths. Also the schnauzers are very put out.
• Any type of heavy artillery fire.
• The TV when you turn in on late at night and realize that the volume level was last adjusted while trying to hear the dialogue on 30 Rock when your 2-year-old daughter was screaming.
• The blaring of a Monday morning alarm after your daughter spent the better part of the night crying for no apparent reason.
• A sonic boom.
• Nuclear fission.
• Nuclear fusion.
• Whatever sound the universe will make once it finally implodes in the fires of the Apocalypse.