Whatcha gonna do?

"Slick" Ric--Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is "Slick" Ric Shiavone, and as always, I am your host for this evening's live broadcast.  We are coming to you tonight from the fabulous  Gwinnett Center as Mid-South Championship Wrestling rolls through beautiful Daluth, Georgia and on with our countdown to Starcade-Wrestlepalooza 2014, the biggest pay-per-view of the year.  Tonight we have what can only be described as an absolutely loaded telecast from top to bottom and standing to my left is the man who will defend his championship at Starcade in less than two weeks, a man who has wrestled all over the world, but is undefeated thus far in his time here in Mid-South Championship Wrestling, and looks to continue that streak in a non-title match here in tonight's main event, "Hacksaw" Jim Johnson.  "Hacksaw", what do have for these rabid fans here this evening?

"Hacksaw" (jacked)--Well you know something, "Slick" Ric?  "The Hacksaw" has been up and down these roads takin' on all comers, brother.  Whether it's the Pyramid in Memphis, Tennessee; the Davis Arena in Louisville, Kentucky; or right here in a jam-packed Gwinnett Center in the Dirty South; I take on anyone foolish enough to step foot in the ring with me, and I'm still the dirtiest player in the game, brother.

"Slick" Ric--Well these fans certainly seem to agree, "Hacksaw", but the man coming out to my right will no doubt have something to say before you two face off in tonight's main event.  A brand new addition to our roster and fresh out of college for that matter, let's bring him out, Vic "The Brain" Abandando.

"Hacksaw" (indignant)--Just another bump on the road to Starcade, brother.  One more notch on "The Hacksaw's" toolbelt.  And, speaking of tools, are you sure it was college you just graduated, because it looks like you just finished high school, little man.  Ha!

Vic--Actually, Mr. Johnson, and "Slick" Ric, I recently completed my doctorate in Psychology and would just like to applaud the "Hacksaw" here for putting up such a brave front in the face of what is certain to be a catastrophic fall from grace in the aftermath of his inevitable, eventual championship loss at some point here in the twilight of his illustrious career.  

"Slick" Ric--How 'bout it, "Hacksaw"?

"Hacksaw" (flexing)--Oh, yeah?  Well, whatcha gonna do, when these pythons run wild on...

Vic--For that matter, the lack of unionization in professional wrestling has left almost all of the industry's former employees without medical insurance once their contracts expire.  All this to say nothing of the absence of properly researched company- sponsored individual retirement planning.  Tell me, Mr. Johnson, do you really expect social security and Medicare to meet what will surely be your multitudinous healthcare needs in your later life, or do you plan on wrestling well into your nineties?

"Hacksaw" (befuddled)--Come again?

Vic--Not to mention how you pridefully go on and on ad nauseam about traveling the territory defending that precious championship belt, but if I may ask, how long has it been since you have had a truly meaningful conversation with any of your children?

"Hacksaw" (slightly misty-eyed)--I have my own action figure...

Vic--And during these travels of yours, up and down the roads of this great country of ours, would it be fair to say in the poetic sense, at least, that the belt you so ferociously defend in that very ring, is in fact the only mistress to whom you have ever been completely faithful?

"Hacksaw" (openly sobbing)--Oh...cut me deep, brother.  Arrrrgh...you cut me...

Vic--See you in the ring, Champ.

"Hacksaw" (really just a big ol' mess at this point)--It hurts, Ric..."The Hacksaw" is bleedin' on the inside.  My emotions are aslant.  Hold me, Ric...it hurts so bad.