Somewhere in Hollywood

Julian, the big-shot Hollywood producer, sits in his office talking to his top screenwriter, Carl. Julian is wearing white linen pants with expensive sandals, a blue dress shirt and a white sport coat. His hair is slicked back, you can tell he uses an expensive pomade that smells like sandalwood, and although he is inside he continues to wear sunglasses. 

Carl is much more blue-collar but Hollywood-blue collar so I guess picture an upper-middle-class on the weekend type outfit.

Carl: Listen Julian, I know you said that you didn’t want to see anymore drafts of buddy-cop movies and, to be frank, I don’t know how to write any other kind of movie so I tweaked the latest one I’ve been working on. Here’s a quick run-down of the key scenes. What do you think?

Julian: Well let’s take a look. Let me put down my large cigar that I was casually smoking indoors, in today’s day and age no less.

Scene opens in a small office in the corner of the bullpen. Chief, at his desk, talks to the new recruit, Evans:

Alright Evans, have a seat. Your sweep scores were great and you passed every chemical cleaner test with flying colors. But you’ve got a real attitude. I’m reluctant to do this but I think you’re ready. You’re going out in the field today so congratulations. Don’t prove me wrong.

Your partner is gonna be Ditch McGarnicle. He’s got 30 years on the force and you could learn a thing or two from him. Now grab your standard issue mop, bucket, off-brand glass cleaner and get out there.

Evans meets his new partner, Ditch, who wastes no time in showing him the ropes:

Listen to me you little punk. You may think you’re hot crap but I’ll show you hot crap. Stall three- get to work.

Several weeks in, Ditch continues to ride the young cadet:

Hurry-up kid, we got a hot mess on the fourth floor. Some sorry copy-jockey horked all over his desk, his co-worker’s desk and his supervisor. You got enough sawdust to take care of that disaster? What does your fancy Custodial Engineer Handbook say to do now rookie?

As the story unfolds, their relationship begins to deepen:

You know why I’m hard on you, do you? It’s because I know you can be the best. And because I love you dammit. You’re my son and I love you. Aw, you look just like your mother. She had eyes that looked like old mop water after cleaning a dive bar bathroom. Her hair smelled like the best urinal cake you can imagine. She was beautiful kid and I miss her every time I look at you. Come here son and hug your old man.

Finally, in the climatic bathroom show-down Ditch is gravely wounded:

Go on without me kid. I’m not gonna make it. Just promise me one thing- clean up the mess I’m about to leave right here at the foot of this old urinal…clean it good kid.

Julian: Carl, you magnificent bastard. You just made us millionaires! Again! Well me at least, you’ll probably continue to be upper-middle class or so.