It Was Me

It was me. It was always me. The smell on the elevator? Me. The smell near the copier? Me again. The smell as you pass my cubicle? Of course that was me. It’s always me. But it’s not just the smell. I also take all the pens near the phones. And the note pad. I park too close to the line next to your car in the parking lot. My chair squeaks incessantly as I rock back and forth in it throughout the day thinking about the next thing I’m going to do. Which is blow my stuffy nose again and again…and again and again. I have loud personal conversations that make you uncomfortable while on my cell phone sitting at my desk. I dig through your lunch every day but not enough for you to notice. I tangle your phone cord every night after you leave work. I transfer calls to you that should get transferred to someone else. I am your work nightmare.

But really, if I’m truly honest about it, it’s not because I don’t like you, it’s because I don’t like me.


Just kidding, it’s because I don’t like you.