Today Everybody Won Except Me

This morning, on the way to the office, there was an accident on the freeway which stopped traffic just before my exit. The man driving the pickup truck who honked at me earlier crossed the double white line so that he could drive on the shoulder and around all of the cars in front of us. I didn't get a chance to shake my fist at him for that stunt he pulled before so I followed him but I got pulled over by a policeman and was issued a ticket, so I got back in line and he won.

In the breakroom I was talking to Ricky about the missing Malaysian airplane that everyone on the news was talking about. I told him I heard that authorities believe the plane's transponder was intentionally disabled but then he asked what a transponder was and I said it was a device that sends signals from an airplane. Just then Troy came around the corner and overheard the conversation and embarrassed me saying I had no idea what I was talking about and that I am an idiot. That may be true, but what difference does it make? He's not even an airplane pilot, I think he's a mortgage broker. In any case, I was butted out of the conversation and he totally won.

At noon I went to get my lunchbox out of the refrigerator and there was Ernie rummaging through everybody's food. Somehow he figured out the code to unlock my lunchbox and I watched as he took out my sandwich and unwrapped my candybar. I said 'Hey, that's my lunch' and with a mouth-full he told me to shut my face then walked off and he won. His desk is next to mine so I watched him win for the next fifteen minutes.

On the way home I stopped in for a haircut and wrote my name on the list. I waited quietly for twenty minutes reading a celebrity magazine and I don't like celebrities. When the man ahead of me finished getting his hair cut it was my turn so I stood up and took off my jacket. At that moment a woman commanded her four kids through the door and barked at the barber saying she checked in online, so they all got to go in front of me and they won.

When I got home I opened the mailbox and found a scathing letter from my HOA notifying me that my lawn "looks like trash and the general appearance of the property has ruined the aesthetic harmony of the community" and that most of my neighbors have asked to have me removed from the neighborhood. I looked to my left and there was Brad and his wife standing on their porch, arms around each other watching the HOA people hammer the Yard of the Month sign into his grass. All of my other neighbors were gathered around clapping for him. Brad always wins.

Today everybody won except me.

Hold on. Just as soon as I finished writing that previous sentence my phone rang and I answered it and there was a voice saying I have just won a free cruise. Look who's going to win now.