Tuesday, April 8, 2014

How to Tell if Someone Doesn't Like You

When in a conversation:
  • Lack of eye contact
  • Closed body language such as crossed arms or facing a slightly different direction
  • General sense of disinterest

When at the office:
  • Never responding to your “hellos”
  • Dropping any projects that requires your input
  • Requesting a transfer

When on a first date:
  • Saying, “Let’s get this over with”
  • Texting someone else throughout the entire date
  • Leaving with a stranger met at the bar while you were left at the table to pay for the meal

When in a courtroom:
  • Asking the judge for a restraining order
  • Accusing you of violence or unwanted sexual advances
  • Testifying against you in a murder trial

When in a hostage situation:
  • Schooching away from you when tied up even if it means getting pistol-whipped by the hostage-takers
  • Encouraging you to “be a hero”
  • Saying things to the hostage-takers like “this guy here has nothing to live for, start with him”

When in a violent encounter:
  • Threatening violence against you
  • Committing violence against you
  • Inciting others to commit violence against you

When in a mugging:
  • Shouting at you to hand over the money
  • Taking the money from you
  • Punching you in the stomach even after getting the money from you

When in a police line-up:
  • Scrutinizing you
  • Pointing at you
  • Pointing at you and saying something to the officer standing nearby such as "Oh yeah, that's definitely him."


10 comments:

  1. The hostage takers...that's my favorite!

    ReplyDelete
  2. At the workplace:
    They leave their kid's school fund raiser catalog on your desk.
    They take your lunch out of the fridge, only eat a few bites, and then discard the remains, including the reusable container.
    They force you to reply that yes, it is indeed hot enough for yourself, thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They decline to attend your 30th anniversary of employment ceremony citing a pressing Sudoku matter in their cubicle, but request a cake slice from one of the corners with extra icing be saved for them.

      Delete
    2. The name on the back on his jersey is "Incognito".
      Dolphinitely.

      Delete
  3. At home:
    The neighbors take turns putting up "For Sale" signs in your yard daily.
    Publishers Clearinghouse sends you notices that you are definitely not already a winner.
    The mailman delivers your Amazon packages with a frown drawn over the smiley logo. Also, he gives you the finger.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Replies
    1. Your dog poops in a bag and leaves it on your doorstep.

      Delete