Mr. Waggleshorts

Howdy neighbor! I mean new neighbor, I'm Jeff!

Uh, two hundred fifty thousand. Seems like an odd question seeing as how we haven't even unloaded the U-Haul, and I don't yet know your name.

Nice to meet you there Gil. So, how do you like living in the...

Oh, you're right, sorry about the grass. I'll get it cut this weekend, if I can make it down to Sears to get a mower. I know the Pattersons moved out three weeks ago, so nobody's been around to...Whoa! Did you just take a divot out of my lawn? Wait, my yard is full of divots, have you been doing that?

Golf pro. That's fantastic. Well, would you mind practicing your pro swing over on your side?

Right, you like the way my bermuda feels. I get it, it does feel nice.

And Patterson didn't mind.

Yes, Patterson also knew when to keep his trap shut. Well, I suppose I could look past a couple of holes in the grass. We're raising kids, not grass, after all!

Oh, two boys, 12 and 14.

Right, sorry you feel that way about kids. I promise, these kids are not snot-rags as you say. In fact, I think you're gonna like these two. Very well behaved. I'd like to take credit, but we know Mom's the one who's put in the...

Wow, no, I agree. Those Henderson pricks shouldn't have been playing broomball in your driveway last winter. I see the damage they did to your Lexus.

Holy cow! You broke their dog's tail?! That seems a bit over the top, doesn't it Gil?

Yeah, I suppose there is a price to pay for crossing Mr. Waggleshorts. Sorry it had to be the Basset Hound to foot the bill. I'll warn the boys to stay off your property. Good news is it looks like you should be able to buff those scratches out of your Lexus pretty easily... ICI-BUY, interesting.

No, I get it. That's a clever license plate.

Oh, you're a very rich man.

Indeed, very rich and very clever. Tell me, is there a lucky lady who has the good fortune of being the wife of such a rich, clever man?

Wow, yes sir. I do know what's best for me and I will back up out of your business. I can't imagine why three different women decided to leave you, but I'm sure they all regret it.

No sir, not being funny... Hey, if you don't mind, I could use a hand moving this couch down off the...

Right, I thought it might be time for you to get back to your practice swing.

Yikes, turned over a lot of turf on that one.