Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Inner Monologue of an English Gentleman sitting in Starbuck's shortly before closing time

(To be voiced in a British accent, slowly and kind of pervy.  But, not Cockney. I hate Cockney.)


 Oh, look at you.

Mmmmph.

Look at you,
look    
at      
you.

Let's have a nice, loooooong look. 

You are a perky little tart, aren't you. 

I'll bet you get lots of attention around the office don't you, dearie?  I hope I'm not being too forward, but I have to say I'd be just chuffed as nuts to come over there and pop you right in my gob.  A little cinnamon for your buns?  Why, I've half a mind to stuff you in my ruck sack and cane back to my flat as fast as my Impreza will carry us.

What's that, love?  Oh, now keep your hair on, no need to throw a wobbly.  Don't let anything an old duffer like me says cheese you off.  Why, it's just that you've got me arse about tit and its been a donkey's year since I've set eyes on anything quite so lovely as yourself.

There that's better, now.  Why I'd have to be a cackhanded, rat-arsed knob to codswallup any tosh on you.  So before you think I've gone off my trolley and you put me on my bike, let me take you out for one night to stone the crows.  We'll get pear-shaped and put some welly into it!  It'll be tickety boo. Oh, muffins and bangers.

Crumpets!


Buzzzzz!

Player one, you've got control of the board.

I'll go with "hungry", Bob.

We'll find out in two minutes.  Stay tuned. We'll be back with more of Great Britain's most popular game show, "Lonely or Hungry", right after this commercial break.



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