A Narrow Escape

So there I was, sitting quietly on the company porcelain, when I heard a double-knock on the door, which was then immediately throw open, striking the wall. "That was odd. Why the knock?" I thought.

Without hesitation, the sound of what was presumably wooden-soled shoes, or perhaps Abraham Lincoln's bronzed feet, pounding the ceramic tiles between the door and myself started out intimidating and grew to alarming. "What's about to happen?"

A final set of heel to toe cracks from one of the saddled Oxfords, followed by the shortest measurable pause, and a business man or a business animal yanked the handle of my cage, rattling it and compromising its structure. I sank lower. I felt the coolness of potty water.

A growl, then the door adjacent to mine was simultaneously thrown open and shut, rebounding each way with violent reverberation. "Oh dear, he's angry."

The seat was evidently in the wrong position because it was thrown either upwards or downwards, a detail I was not able to confirm.

The sound of a bucket of liquid being dumped out into the bowl raised me an eyebrow. "If that's organic, I'm no match for him."

Was this a man or an animal? I needed to know. I lowered my head and sneaked a peek. "Trousers, but what's this? Where's the other leg?"

It was all too odd. I needed to bail.