A List of Things that I am Really, REALLY Excited About…

Facebook invitations to play Candy Crush.  Yes.  Yessssss!  I was just thinking the other day that I needed a 347^th invitation to play the greatest game ever invented by a human.

Anything Real Housewives related.  Seriously when is Real Housewives Abilene coming?  There is no finer entertainment in life than watching botox and silicone enhanced reptiles fight over whether or not Bethany’s bolt-ons look like they came out of a Panini press. 

Colonoscopies.  The idea that I might spend a significant portion of my golden years taking drugs and being violated by both man AND machine really gets my heart racing.

½ priced sushi.  Seriously?  50% off sushi?  In Knoxville?  And you’re a Thai restaurant?  And you’re located next to a Dollar Store?  Obviously you must be a practical joker.  Have I died?  Is this heaven? 

That smell at the mall food court.  You know the one.  I’m talking about the particular aroma created by the confluence of air currents and desperation that is the Chinese place, the Philly Cheese steak griddle, and the popcorn kiosk.

Public outings with work colleagues. 

That guy that plays the saxophone in Market Square.  He only knows one song.  But damn if he doesn’t play it ALL day.  And it totally sounds like the backing track to a scene of Matlock getting up to some serious shenanigans.  Really the perfect way to spend a brunch outside. 

Anything described as “artisanal”.  I will seriously just start throwing $100 bills at you if you label your product artisanal.  If it also happens to be gluten free, free range, vegan, recycled, high gravity, organic, local, fair trade, craft, or handmade...Watch.  The f#@& .  Out.